BCAFC vs AFC Wombledons!
So I’m here at the game on my ‘Akon’ as it shall now be known (on my own, reference to lonely, originally Dom’s joke, reworked by me!). These berks lost 6-2 or sommat on Tuesday so if we don’t win by at least 10 I will…..
Shhhhiiiiiizzz zzzzzz we’ve just scored! Feed the nak and he WILL score although that was atrocious defending by them, awful simply awful, the keeper was caught in 17 minds and the back four we’re on a lads holiday in Magaluf by the look of things!
A free kick just hit Doyle on the shoulder/chest/arm and it honestly sounded like a bass drum, it was possibly the deepest noise I’ve ever heard. Just goes to show how class this chap is and what a signing he could be this campaign, I love that phrase ‘this campaign’.
Oliver and Davies have started the game like a pair of Topgun pilots, tight, in control, cool, calm, collected and simply ace! Goooose and Maverick!
This is bad, very very bad for me and Dom, 2-0 and amazing own goal and we’re recording feck all! Typical absolutely typical but on the plus side that was an impressive finish by Pim Balkestein, yep thats his real name Pim like the drink and he just spilt his all over his own goalkeeper and goal…god I’m good, 2-0 City. *mistake* it was infact Haynes-Brown that scored the own goal, but I can still work with this, he just spilt the whole bottle of HP over his keepers mush in the form of an own goal….that’s bad.
Half of the first half gone and we are looking solid, tight and any word that can be used to describe a unsinkable ship…they said the Titanic was unsinkable but it sank, at the moment we’re playing the role of the Iceberg during an Ice Age – this analogy maybe cut on final edit.
Reid goes down under a hefty challenge and now I take heed and bring up the subject of Zavon Hines and Kyel Reid….wingers.com they keep swapping sides to confuse the commentators, they are both fast, direct and can wip a ball in the box, simple and effective and how wingers should be!
OMG!!!!!!! 3-0 and that is the worst thing I have seen a goalkeeper do in a long time, a Pepe Reina flap and about as much strength as a grandma turd from a simple ball pumped into the box somehow goes through his flannel like hands and sinks into the net. Davies is celebrating and Wells is celebrating who was about 7,000 yards away from the ball, who know’s who get’s it but who cares its 3-0 to City, long long time since I’ve said that….infact it’s 3-1 as I just write those immortal words Wimbletwats score, don’t know who scored or how as I was typing this, bloody match reports!
4-1 and welcome to basketball heaven!! Mcardle with a simple side shuffle and foot hook into the net from minus 2 yards! It comes from a corner and I can barely keep up, my fingers are numb and now we’re on another attack…penalty!…no, thank god I need a rest! My heads spinning and I feel nauseous, 4-1 after 40 minutes played, why oh why oh why, the ups and downs and lefts and rights of being a City fan!
5-1 and Half time, I have no words #mmmmbop
First half kicks off to a rousing chorus from the City fans, to say we have high morale at this point would be an insult, it’s through the chuffing roof! Its Katy Perry, ‘baby your a firewoooork!’
So the last time we we’re 5-1 up at half time was in 1987…so that’s a nice stat for you that I currently couldn’t give a flying ball bag about right now! Probably the best half I’ve seen at VP in 10 yeas, no exaggeration or elaboration, no need for stats or sentimental buuuuull crap. Simple and good football played for 45 minutes.
10 mins into the second half and we haven’t scored, a guy sat behind me heckles “come on city we haven’t finished yet” so I walk up to him and punch him square in the nose and tell him to leave this country for ever.
A lesson in how to head a ball by a winger – use your shoulder! Ball whipped in by Nahki Wells with Hines in the box, jumps in the air and thrusts his collar bone at the ball! Hence to say no goal and free kick to WUMbledons!
Attendance: 9346 with 230 away fans – see I do stats too!!
One of their players has been on the floor for 3 days and is stretchured off and he looks dead. Sorry if that offends but it’s the best description that suits the way he looks. Seriously I wish him well, hefty knock on the head by the look of things.
Subs: Atkinson on for Beanz Meanz Hines who’s been very very good and Thompson on for Doyle who like I’ve already mentioned has been his usual solid self!
One of our regular listeners Darran Slator just did the ‘Bruno’ bow down movement for Zavon Hines and the other day I would of laughed in his face and said why!? But I was right behind him doing the same thing, what a ledge!
So it’s quite apparent that this ref now fancies the tits off AFC Wimbleshit, every decision including the most obvious obstruction since the 2 day closure of the M62 back in the snow drifts of ’96, and a stone wall grab tackle on Reid have been given in there favour and with not even a winkle sniff of guilt towards how bad they we’re!
So Connell replaces Wells and it’s our chance to see what this little Swindonite tear away can do! He looks like David Syers which makes me sad but he just showed some good foot work which now makes me happy!
MOM = Gary Jones who doesn’t get a mention in this report so far BUT for good reason, the silent guardian, the watchful protector, the Dark Knight! or Gary Bloody Jones from Rochdale, northern lad doing his northern stuff very well indeed, 35 my arse!
A one on one from spurned by Reid or saved by there pants keeper brings this game to a close or does it, 11 minutes injury time equals 6 goals please! 11 minutes! Jesus!
Imagine winning 11-1, I’d quit football, start up an Equestrian Centre and NEVER watch football again. I would have seen it all in a Saturday afternoon.
Reid has just ham sandwiched there left full back, 2 kick ups and flick over his head down the line – let me just remind you that certain full back gets paid to play football.
Full-time, 5-1.
What a game, first half sublime, second half very decent, overall a game that surely, surely puts us as contenders to get promoted this season. People will say Wimblescum we’re poor but you have to capitalise and by ‘eck we did! Our defence looks solid, midfield composed and strikers sharp, a recipe for success?
By Tom
